Tuesday 9 November 2010

Conspiracy, what conspiracy?

Dear Blogees 

Trust me 
I have come to the troubling conclusion that the whole world has gone completely off its trolley. In the old adage of there are more out than in I think that out is in and that in is an asylum of outness, if you get me. I mean, you consider yourself normal right but what is normal if not a synonym for average. If average is a mathematical or statistical concept then normality is just a matter of numbers and as a wise man once observed, there are lies, damn lies and statistics (be it Disraeli, Wentworth Dilke or Twain). So what do I base this thesis on, what else, the NET. Please don't be fooled, for just as the drunken man may become violent or lecherous due to being disencumbered of his inhibitions the Net gives that same freedom of expression and taking the world's cyber pulse you will have to, as I have, accede that the world is paranoid.

I was trawling the Infopond the day before another, when I discovered myself in the realm of the conspiracy theory. Did you know that these people are convinced of a whole range of stuff including Jaffa cakes being biscuits and the Queen being German. Well, on deeper investigation I found some stuff that seemed to have some credibility. Did you know that Neil Armstrong never walked on the moon or that dollar bills are printed by the Masons or that JFK was shot by his own people because he was too honest, I must admit I was intrigued. I downed a movie called Zeitgeist and it was incredibly informative; it would seem that Jesus Christ was in on it, is in on it; anyway.

It wasn't a revelation that we have been lied to systematically for generations, I know full well that my wife regularly lies to me and I to her; Mmm yummy, sweetheart. Nor that elected officials, trusted to represent our interests, are creative with the facts from time to time. No, the duplicitous nature of people in power does not surprise me. What did floor me was the incredible amount of organisation involved in this catholic deception. According to Zeitgeist the new world order has be plotting since biblical times, biding their time until they can realise their ultimate plan of world domination and the subjugation of every man woman and child. At that point I had to stop and think.


Have you ever seen two politicians agree over anything much less work in unison, even members of the same party will only collude until their own agenda is impeded by the other. Big businesses will only work together in order to keep a closer eye on their competition's coffers. And we are supposed to believe that they are, and have been working together on some master plan since before Moses. As you will undoubtedly remember I recently had physical proof of impending disaster which I urged the local council to look at and they laughed me out of the building. I tell you dear blogees that these people could not collude if they were playing bridge, and if, as Mae West once observed that bridge is like sex: if you don't have a good partner, you need a good hand we can only conclude as most of us have always been aware that most politicians and bankers regularly partake in the use of a good hand. They couldn't plan a trip to the supermarket. Flying planes into skyscrapers, maybe, but not covering it up afterwards.

We need you!
No, it is my considered opinion that most, if not all, conspiracy theories are the result of synergetic happenstance between paranoid ponderers and the powers that be. Culminating in the former appearing risible but ultimately quite entertaining, while the latter, riding the wave of speculation come out on top maintaining a semblance of cunning competence . We want to believe that the people in charge are a bit smarter than ourselves because most of us could not imagine the enormous responsibility of running a multinational conglomerate or a country, but lets face it they haven't been doing such a good job of it lately, have they?

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