Chasing paper 2

I am a bureauphobe, a papyrophobe, I am macrophobic, I am frightened of the wait before a rubber stamp thumps a form, even strip lighting in civic offices gives me the heebie-geebies. And yet all I wanted was to go swimming at the new local pool, an innocuous ambition with the goal of putting some shape to the amorphous silhouette that had begun to greet me each morning in the bathroom mirror.

Here it is necessary to get a piece of paper to get a rubber stamp to procure a form to make an application to make a declaration that you require to lodge a petition to get a piece of paper. Trees all over the world shudder at the sound of the Greek language and if you are worried about the greenhouse effect stop hounding Jeremy Clarkson and his cronies, you only have to look to the Greek civil service. The whole world could go to Tescos in Hummers and it would not touch the damage they do every day. Not only is it the obscene consumption of the rainforests but the petrol that is burned collecting and recollecting reams of stamped paper at offices dotted all over the city to find that one has been incorrectly stamped or that that law has is the meantime been changed to include the requirement of 10 years back-tax declarations from your great-grandparents or an autograph from Elvis.

Thank-you very much!

The nice young lady at the pool gave me a booklet and a list informing me that I would be required to obtain a certificate from my doctor and a dermatologist. I didn't have a GP, another phobia, so I had to go to the national insurance offices to have one signed up. The new GP informed me that she required a cardiology check-up and some blood tests, back to the insurance office to sign up a cardiologist.

Well now I'm sitting here with the faint smell of chlorine and a satisfying pertness in my muscles, all my tests were good and I've forgotten most of the road that got me here. Greece has become an a addiction, just as the obese head I carry in the morning doesn't stop me having a couple of glasses of wine at the end of the day, coughing hasn't stopped me smoking and I'm still married. Masochistic tendencies, maybe but at least I get to do it to me before they do.

   

2-stroke and diesel don't mix

ouch!

So there I was buzzing my orange iconic Vespa back up the incline to my beloved mountain, enjoying the wind in my face when it happened. The front wheel rejected the party line and I bounced off the beautifully polished asphalt landing in an undignified heap in a ditch. The screech of still-financed metal shedding paint as we slid to a halt cut me to the quick. I threw my skid-lid at the floor petulantly unable to do anything else save suck the tears through my eye sockets and retain some decorum.

“You alright mate?” a BMW driver enquired (maybe they do have hearts after all).

I want my mum, I thought looking down at my previously unblemished crutch-buzzer. Could he offer tea and Jaffa cakes? No! I nodded that I was relatively unharmed keeping my upper-lip stiff and Britannic.

He pointed out something on the road just in front of his bumper. My Ebay watch, which apart from a broken strap pin was totally unscathed. Is there no justice in the world?

I picked up the bruised scooter, dented near-side bubble and bent leg-shield. Suck suck choke, the saline tears began to sting. She started after a couple of kicks when I realised that I’d broken my big toe. Ouch!

The traffic began to flow and then I realised the cause of my calamity, diesel. Isn't fuel expensive enough without unscrupulous tanker drivers spilling it all over the already treacherous road surface throwing middle-aged reborn Mods bouncing into ditches.

Protect and serve?

I followed the trail of oil up the hill to its ultimate end at the junction for my village.

The next day I stopped on my way past the police station to make a report. I limped in sporting a freshly scabbing elbow and expressed my woe to the desk Sargent who fobbed me off with feigned concern despite the fact that the trail actually past the station. On my way down I saw the aftermath of another bumper-bounce on the same bend.

I've straightened out the worst of the damage now and my elbow will be ready for a new tan soon but I implore drivers to be patient when stuck in a traffic jam caused by a slow moving scooterist on the windy parts of the road to Hortiatis.

Ebay ethics

Ethics begin with an E

Like most expats, I rely heavily on the Internet for my creature comforts. Greece has always been a little expensive for some things but now after incurring the wrath of the IMF and Eurozone central bank for some little accounting errors things are getting out of hand.