Monday 16 August 2010

Retail therapy?

The other day me and the wife decided to go out shopping to see what was left in the sales. The kids weren’t thrilled but we made it sound like an adventure. By the time we got back in the car to go home we had got some new sheets for the kids, the wife got some undies, a couple of whoopi cushions for the kids and a divorce. I don’t mind going to IKEA because they have a nice little smalland parking for the little darlings but we have to shop at other places from time to time as there’s only so much Swedish furniture you can eat. I’ve been wearing this UGGDAL wardrobe for two seasons now and it’s roomy but people are starting to talk.

Retailers please take note, the crisis will bite much harder if us parents cannot get out and abuse our credit facilities in peace. You see children may have eyes but they were only ever designed for watching television, when they are in a shop they use their hands in a similar way that a snake uses its tongue. Forget bulls put a three-year-old in the crockery department of any store and there will be crumbs before bedtime. One clever toy shop had the cute idea of having a big door and a little door for the kids which i only realised when i nearly knocked myself unconscious trying to pursue my five-year-old out of the shop without letting my voice reach a feminine octave range.

Happy and secure children
We are not asking for much, a locker system would suffice or something like those dog-walking services but when my wife needs my opinion on whether this is the exact yellow that will compliment the bathroom towels or if her bum looks big in it and I cannot feign enough interest because my spawn are chasing each other around the aisles with a set of Ben Ten cutlery things are going to get messy.

For the sake of my back after three nights sleeping on the Swedish couch or eating things that have been thrown on the floor please take note retailers. A man needs a little help if he’s to make the right choice between Mmmm or Ahhh. I F’ed up completely and said 'fine' so I spose I deserve what I got. But I’m sure it wouldn’t have happened if the kids hadn’t been trying to climb the fake potted trees by the food court.


  1. Happy and secure children!!! Every time i go to the beach i listen to mothers screaming... GET OUT OF THE WATER or... DONT DO THAT... You know i like to relax every time i go there, but this is a dream from another world right? so its not a problem of ikea or any other store or mole, its just another bad greek habit o thing

  2. the store that you are talking about is designed for kids for your little five year makes grown ups not needed in the store...only when your child goes to pay...that's were the big door comes in handy....unless you have provieded your son with money and thus he can take care of everything on his own....good luck with the bruise on your head!!!


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